


and he looked at me with desire (and i knew his name was love)

by commedesgarzons



Category: The Boyz (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1920s, Character Study, M/M, Moral Ambiguity, Muses, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Writers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:53:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27797260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commedesgarzons/pseuds/commedesgarzons
Summary: Had there been one thing he had ever been utterly certain of, was that Jacob Bae was a man too beautiful to die.
Relationships: Bae Joonyoung | Jacob/Moon Hyungseo | Kevin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 30
Collections: CDGZ, Die Jungz Fest (R1)





	and he looked at me with desire (and i knew his name was love)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for DJF ♡ This is something I've had in my drafts for... almost too long. I've tried and offered this idea to friends and other writers I knew, but no one seemed to be interested in picking this up, and for best or for worse... Here we are.
> 
> Title taken from [this article](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2011/08/08/deceptive-picture) I read while doing research for this fic last year! This is also a little hint, since I have [a well-loved work with the title also taken from the same article](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22077508) ♡
> 
> Recommended soundtrack - [Feel Good](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NY-D3_SuE8U) by Red Velvet - Irene&Seulgi ♡

**_I. And he looked at me, and I knew_ **

_Gazes meeting across a room full of people, the excitement of meeting someone new, a spark so small yet still dangerous, the first glimpse of everything he would ever want_

If there was a singular moment in time he could return to and relive time and time again, it’d undoubtedly be the night he first met Jacob Bae. He stood amidst a group of scholars by the balcony, leaning against the marble baluster, broad shoulders filling up every inch of his tailored graphite suit, lips gorgeously parted as gray smoke spilled onto the evening sky. Kevin learned his name quickly, and the color of his eyes and the shape of his mouth even quicker. From afar, framed by the insignificance of those around him, Jacob looked like a man nothing and no one on this earth could touch, yet everyone so desperately wanted to, and Kevin Moon would learn he too was no exception.

And when their gazes met from across the room in a rare moment of quietness, buzz slowly fizzling away as the sound of indistinct chatter lingered in their ears and the low jazz music stopped playing, he knew. Had it been fate or pure coincidence, had they been searching for each other all night or had they just happened to catch each other’s eye, when Jacob looked at him, eyes sparkling with curiosity, Kevin knew.

**_II. And he looked at me with those innocent eyes, and I knew all I ever wanted was to corrupt him_ **

_Locking eyes with someone who was already staring, an invitation to dare, the taste of the forbidden fruit_

With time, the naïve dreams of a novel writer set into a sharp dagger called ambition. He had his eyes set on the prize; the man everyone wanted but could never have, and he knew he could. Jacob was a man of God, and God knew how badly Kevin wanted to corrupt him and watch him fall from his grace.

When Jacob asks for a lighter, Kevin leans closer and offers him a taste of delicious sin.

**_III. And he looked at me with desire, and I knew his name was love_ **

_Lighting another man’s cigarette with your own, the electric tension between soon-to-be lovers before their first kiss, to indulge in the feeling of being wanted_

Under his touch, heavy hands on his skin, molding his body to his very liking like wet clay melting under hot palms, eyes clouded with desire, Jacob’s mouth tasted like lightning and thunder, like the sky as it curled up in a storm and destroyed everything in his way. His mouth was like the manmade Heaven of the fresco ceiling above them, cherubs staring down at them curiously as they hid behind fluffy gray clouds. The curves of his lips rewrote history every time he spoke, and Kevin could do nothing but stare in pure adoration and revel in the feeling of being wanted like this, of being _craved_ so desperately.

When asked for a lighter, Jacob leaned in until the tips of their cigarettes met and waited for Kevin’s to set alight.

**_IV. And he looked at me like I was the only thing he had ever known, and I knew he was the one_ **

_A collection of love letters hidden under a pillowcase, the dizzying smell of oil paint, the feeling of silk against naked skin, the purest form of adoration_

Had there been one thing he had ever been utterly certain of, was that Jacob Bae was a man too beautiful to die. So Kevin Moon, in the sweet innocence of his twenty something years of age, blinded by the dazzling infatuation of his very first love, did what every writer who had ever been in love would do and promised Jacob eternity. Promised to make him _immortal_ ; if not in life, then through his prose and his paintings. Jacob was a man too beautiful to be forgotten. The world needed to see him in his greatness of a man who’s bigger than God, _scarier_ , in his youthful and glamourous splendor, and fall in love with him through every brush stroke, every line, every verse.

Sprawled on the leather loveseat in Kevin’s home, milky skin against the red silk of his night robe, under the gaze of the man who would move Heaven and Earth to have him by his side, Jacob lazily posed for the picture being painted of him, lit cigarette in between his fingers, gray cloud of smoke pouring out of his mouth. Wordlessly, when he looked up to catch Kevin’s eye from across the room, he promised the same love and devotion in return, and Kevin knew he was the one.

**_V. And he looked at me with those devilish eyes, and I knew he was the Snake all along_ **

_Longing for someone out of reach, the bitter taste of resentment, the chest clutching ache of heartbreak, an ocean of words left unsaid between a writer and his muse_

Waking up to the sight of an empty bed next to him with nothing but silence and the emptiness Jacob’s presence left behind is both heartache and grief. Kevin finds a last love letter tucked under his pillow, Jacob’s handwriting and painful longing spelled out in his words, addressed to _his_ Eve; resentment tastes bitter in his mouth, influx of words he never got to say scratching the back of his throat. He is irrefutably in love with him, fated to the same eternity he had promised without the slightest possibility of ever not loving him, destined to be forever fond of the man who represented all the sins he never had the courage to commit.

As he watches the hungry flames lick the walls of the marbled fireplace and the evidence of his sinful devotion turn into ashes, Kevin’s heart aches for the man who had settled somewhere so deep into his bones and every corner of his being.

**Author's Note:**

> This is all very conceptual and all very new to me. It's the first time in a long while that I've managed to finish a piece quite like this, so I'm excited to hear your thoughts and feedback ♡
> 
> EDIT: I wanted to challenge myself and try something new, so I set 1000 words as the word limit and since dialogues are the "pillar" of my writing, I wanted to see if I could write something without any! 
> 
> POST REVEAL EDIT: come find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/commedesgarzons%E2%80%9D%20rel=) (+18 ONLY!) and [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/cdgz%E2%80%9D%20rel=)! ♡
> 
> Thanks for reading! ♡


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